Two Archived Posts

Submissive in 2009

Filed under: Writing — Jennifer D. Munro @ 5:24 pm Edit This

12/31/09. Yesterday, I reached my annual goal of submitting my work to publications 100 times, so I cheated a bit and counted my submissions today towards my 2010 total. I’m pleased with the acceptances this year by Harpur Palate, South Dakota Review, Crossed Genres, and the King County grant, and I’m still waiting for responses on many. I had bizarre acceptances from two places that I’d submitted my work to as much as 3.5 years ago and/or withdrawn my work from, and one small journal published my work without asking (but at least they let me know after the fact). I haven’t written much, but at least I’m still hanging in there on the business end.

Santa Proved His Existence in Ballard

Filed under: Family — Jennifer D. Munro @ 3:42 pm Edit This

12/30/09. My seven-year-old son, “LM”* spent last week at the community center holiday day camp. On the first day of camp, the director called me to tell me that he had a problem: LM’s shoe was on the roof. LM had done a high kick, up sailed the shoe, and that was that. The shoe could not be retrieved. LM assured us that on Christmas night Santa would stop at the community center first, where Saint Nick would find LM’s shoe on the roof when he landed. Santa would then bring the shoe here and put it in LM’s stocking.

Sure enough, there was LM’s missing shoe (complete with the smelly sock that flew up with it) in LM’s stocking on Christmas morning. It wasn’t the coal we had been threatening, but you’d never think a child would be so thrilled to find a dirty, soggy shoe in his stocking.

The Little Monster

*My son is not my biological spawn and as yet is not my legal child, either. Although I am the one who cleans up his vomit, gives him cookies while refraining from eating them myself, tells him 43 times a day to hike up his pants, and (worst of horrors), is forced to leave the liquor store while vodka-shopping** when his school calls my cell to say that he’s in trouble again, I am not legally his mother. This technicality requires me by confidentiality agreement (who the hell knows what I signed during the process of foster-to-adopting? I would have signed away my firstborn, but the whole problem was that I didn’t have one) to cast a certain aspect of anonymity upon his mischievous, already-too-big person.

Thus, I dub him for the purposes of this Blog The Little Monster (LM), a name I affectionately called him to his face on Halloween and sometimes not-so-affectionately call him when he is not around. Thankfully, these days he is more often The Little Monkey than The Little Monster.

 **My liquor store now carries bacon-flavored vodka, as well as wasabi-flavored, rootbeer-flavored, and bubble-gum flavored vodka. Can you guess if any of the flavors I’ve listed is a joke?

Whatever Happened To That Shoe?

7 thoughts on “Two Archived Posts

  1. Your right you are not a “mother” because a true mother would never post venom about a child (even one who was not there biological child) on the world wide web! Maybe you should use this precious opportunity to better yourself instead of spewing hate. He is like all children full of life and mischief. Maybe social services in King county should rethink giving you a child. Maybe you and MIM should find a new hobby.

  2. Kara, I want to encourage you to pause and reread your comment. To say something so horrible as telling a parent that they shouldn’t be allowed to have their child (over, what, because honestly, I’m not even sure what you see as hateful, because I don’t see it AT ALL) sounds to me like either someone suffering from a personality disorder or someone with serious emotional issues. Healthy people don’t talk that way to strangers, loved ones, anyone. So, take a step back and realize that your comment says a lot more about you than it does the blogger.

  3. WOW Both Kara and Laura are wrong. The real question is why is this woman going to the Vodka Store in the middle of the day and then horrified that she had to leave to get this kid. NOW WHAT DOES THIS SAY ABOUT THE BLOGGER????? MOMMY DEAREST!!!!!!

  4. You’re right! I should pick my kid up from school and then take him with me to the liquor store with me later in the day.
    Viva Las Vegas, you ask what it says about this blogger that she’s buying vodka in the middle of the day. This says that I’m a busy mom who takes care of her kid in the afternoons and evenings and weekends, so I run my adult errands when he’s not around, like any responsible mother tries to. I am buying a bottle of vodka at noon, not drinking it in the store. I also tend to buy my brassieres and vaginal lubricant when the kid’s not around. But, hey, if you’re a mom who’s comfortable buying these items with your child in tow, fine by me. That’s just my personal preference.
    Believe me, if I was buying booze for me to drink in the middle of the afternoon, it would be gin.
    And is any mother overjoyed to get a call from school and have to ditch whatever she’s in the middle of? So far I haven’t gotten one like this: “Hi, this is the principal, just calling to let you know that your son is doing great today!”
    Thank you for reading my ancient Christmas blog from eight months ago and taking the time to respond. One thing I never expected when I became a mother is how judgmental some women seem to be of other mothers, and what a lack of humor there is, judging by comments like these and other posts I see (although most of the moms I know personally are compassionate, funny, and appreciate a nice Pinot Noir, sometimes before dinner). You never hear fathers beating up on other dads because they’re having a brewski during Sunday afternoon football. Is there only one right way to mother? Do mothers have to drink only root beer to not be Mommie Dearest? If so, pass me the Joan Crawford lipstick.
    Now, where did I set down that martini?

  5. A sampling of Facebook responses to Kara’s comment (pasted in here because I am inexpert at linking):

    From M: i don’t see any venom AT ALL. I see love, humor, affection, and a woman taking delight in mothering. He’s a lucky kid. i do not understand her comments. Perhaps she didn’t get that you called him a little monster to his face because he was dressed in a little monster costume…..? I don’t get it. I love your frankness and honesty.

    From L: It’s a warm, funny, heartfelt blog post. Clearly, the commenter is responding to something else…, perhaps jealousy of your ability to be honest and kind at the same time?

    From L: I find it amusing that someone would chastise you for being publicly hateful in a way that is horribly and unequivocally publicly hateful.

    From D: Wow, that is a major misread of your posts and of you! Does this woman even know you? If she did, she would know what great parents you are.

    From A: Maybe she should take this opportunity to better her spelling and grammar instead of spewing hate.

    From L: Does she know how to comprehend what she’s reading? Or maybe I should ask if she knows how to read. BTW, you should tell her it’s “you’re” not “your”.

    From C: Yipes. You guys are amazing parents and don’t deserve any of the venom directed your way. From all of us who have never been there – thanks so much for being foster parents!

    From D: From an outsider looking in, it appears to me that her comments are coming from somewhere else ? and this was just an excuse to attack. Or, she just has no sense of humor …… !

    From A: I’m with D: There’s something else going on here. Your post is no more venomous than Erma Bombeck.

    From K: …all I can say is there will never be a glut in the opinion market. The informed-opinion market however has tanked horribly. It almost makes one want to be a silent monk, but the monastery can only hold so many. So for people (like me) that need funny writers (like you), please do not think about closing shop and joining the monastery, for they will pillage that next! (I loved the blog, my informed-opinion.)

  6. Just to set the record straight here, note that Viv and Kara are the same person. Which is interesting, since Viv says that Kara is wrong. The blogosphere is certainly interesting!

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