Guest Blog Post by My Dad about My Mom, w/ Rebuttal

Following is an email from my father, proving that one can never fully know one’s spouse. Also that my Dad is hilarious. He and my mother have been married for 51 years.

> From: Dad
> To: Jennifer
> Subject: weird Mom (Tutu)
> cc: Mom

> After all these years, I have found out that your mother doesn’t eat Oreo cookies in the way that normal people do.
> First, it takes 2 Oreo cookies at a time, not one (one is insufficient). The particular variety of Oreo cookie (there are several varieties) is not important.
> Next, give each of the 2 Oreo cookies a good firm squeeze.
> Then, carefully peel the top (outer) layer off each of the 2 cookies. Put the 2 top pieces aside.
> Now carefully peel the filling layer off one of the cookies and place it on top of the other filling layer.
> Put one of the outer pieces on top and squeeze hard a second time.
> Now remove the top layer cookie (it can be eaten now).
> Peel off the double layer of filling and carefully put aside (it MUST be eaten LAST).
> Eat the remaining outer layer cookies one by one.
> NOW and ONLY NOW, the squished filling can be eaten with gusto.
> I couldn’t believe it when I saw this demonstrated last night.
> Love to all !!!

Mom swiftly sent her corrections. I don’t think it matters that I don’t really understand the oreo cookie eating process she herein describes:

> Subject: Re: weird Mom (Tutu)
> From: Mom
> To: Dad
> cc: Jennifer

> Okay, that’s not right.  I take one cookie off each of the two cookies, then put the two centers together, squeeze GENTLY, remove a third cookie, and then remove the merged centers.  I then eat the four cookies, one at a time, and then eat the two centers.

> Actually, I can simply separate only one cookie and eat the cookies and then the center.
> He saw me at the end of the process, with the filling and cookies separate, and just can’t get his head around my explanation of what I do.
> One thing it shows is that there is a communication gap when one tries to explain what one has done.
> And after 51 years of marriage, he still has things to learn about me.  I only get to hear the occasional story of his youth that he has neglected to tell me.

Today is my mother’s 71st birthday. I think a package of Oreos instead of a cake this year?

The Erotica Writer’s Husband & Other Stories by Jennifer D. Munro
Kindle Edition at Amazon

12 humorous stories about sex and the sexes. These sensual yet comic stories offer a fresh take on literary erotic fiction, as if Anaïs Nin and Erma Bombeck met at the library to spin tales of laughter and the libido. Collected from the pages of Best American Erotica, Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica, Best Women’s Erotica, Best of Literary Mama, Clean Sheets, Zyzzyva, and others.

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